A Meeting Place for Early loss twins

This is really my twin's Enjy's place, not mine. S/He does not have any other place in this world. S/He was miscarried at age four months in the womb. We were twins and made to be together for years and we were torn apart within seconds. This is the place where I go to talk to him/her and about him/her. Anyone who has lost a twin in utero or very early is very welcome here to read and share.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Books on twins in general N° 1 "Alone in the mirror" by Barbara Klein

I wrote this review for Dr. Barbara Klein after reading her new book "Alone in the mirror. Twins in therapy." I still benefit from reading this book every day. It first opened my eyes to the simple truth that Dr. Brandt in saying "once a twin always a twin" was not just making a comforting statement especially for early loss twins - he simply stated the truth,.

Review of Alone in the Mirror

So, I've read the new book by Barbara Klein and it's an absolute MUST-READ for anyone who wants to understand twins—or him/herself, if you are a twin. I have read some scientific approaches to twinship before, including Segal and Sandbank, but Klein presents the reader not only with twin-behavior but with the underlying psychological reasons.

Dr. Klein carefully balances nature vs. nurture speculation (that is, she takes the primary attachment between twins into consideration and also describes the way this attachment develops through early and later experiences in the twin's life but she avoids judging what behavior is due to one or the other traits, inborn or acquired). So, for me as an early-loss twin, it is possible throughout the book to identify with twin-behavior and still take the different experiences I necessarily had through growing up without my twin into consideration. I was surprised how much I resemble the twins described, not always in behavior, but in the underlying principles. Since it is common knowledge that a multiple pregnancy is very different from a singleton-pregnancy, I don't see why this shouldn't be true for the babies as much as for the mother. Twins develop in a different prenatal environment than singletons, they ARE different and they are born fully equipped for a different world than the one they'll encounter. This is doubly true for the single born twin whose brain was exposed to stimulations which were entirely normal for him/her and which suddenly no longer exist after birth. Tricky situation. Although growing up with your twin is very different from being a twin and growing up single, the ideas and tips on how to deal with having to cope in a non-twin world are extremely helpful even for an in-utero-loser. Before I knew I was a twin I considered myself just a freak—which is a bad thing. After I learned about my twin's miscarriage I considered myself a twinless twin, a wombtwin survivor, a traumatized victim of early twinloss—which is not a good thing in itself, either.

After reading Dr. Klein's book I have just started to consider myself a twin trying to cope in a non-twin world (with additional handicaps)—which is in itself not a bad thing at all. It makes a great difference to see my expectations toward closeness and communication either as over-demanding, freakish or pathological or as a pattern stemming from an in-utero experience. It greatly helps to understand myself and be more tolerant with others. Before I ordered the book I was reluctant because of the more than 20 Euro I had to pay, but it was worth every cent. :-)


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