A Meeting Place for Early loss twins

This is really my twin's Enjy's place, not mine. S/He does not have any other place in this world. S/He was miscarried at age four months in the womb. We were twins and made to be together for years and we were torn apart within seconds. This is the place where I go to talk to him/her and about him/her. Anyone who has lost a twin in utero or very early is very welcome here to read and share.

Monday, May 28, 2012

What makes a brain a twin-brain?

Well, science may not back me up - yet - but reading Dr. Barbara Klein's book "Alone in the mirror" started me thinking a bit. There are numerous articles on the web telling you how you might proove (at least to yourself) that you had a twin who died before birth and there are some things always mentioned - changing partners often, unable to be alone, eating disorders - and some things mentioned very rarely or never at all.
Like "instant response". A twin fetus in the womb experiences instant response whenever he kicks his co-twin. It's part of normal existence to get a reaction to your every action. How could it be otherwise since there is no way for human beings to be closer than in the womb.
And here we have a child whose brain developed with a pattern of instant reaction to action born single after the co-twin vanished, was miscarried or stillborn. The brain which developed in this peculiar environment does not magically turn into a brain which underwent a different development only because the co-twin is no longer there, instant response is still a normal feature.
And here we have parents, family, teachers, peers who do not know this child has a twin-brain. They only realize he/her expects an instant response to his/her actions and they say "you're too demanding", "everything isn't about you", "you set too much store by yourself", "he/she is unable to socialize with others, be part of a team, let others have their share, is egotistic" and so on.
The twin-child does not know what's happening because he/she mostly does not know she's a twin herself and if she knows doesn't realize what it means to have a twin-brain. The only thing made clear to this child is: you are wrong. The way you behave is wrong. Your attitude is wrong.
The child ideed is wrong. He's in the wrong world. She never was meant to live in a world without someone to provide instant response. He was made to live in a twin-world, he's a twin.
This may sound like a minor thing, but it isn't. It may ruin a family, send a person to therapy for years with nobody able to really help. It's NORMAL for a twin to expect instant response as it is normal fort a twin to expect nonverbal understanding. It's not normal to expect the singleton world to understand this, but how is the twin-child to know. Since the brain can't be redeveloped the only help I can see, so far, is to remember every time the inevitable disappointment occurs to remember: I have a twin-brain. The other do not NOT respond to me because they don't like me but because they aren't twins.

No comments:

Post a Comment